When The Clouds Go Away
by JustCallMeMarly
Summary: Cleaned up and reposted! A little bit of closure for the Angel & Cordelia fans. May be a happy ending, depending on how you look at it. Prompted by a Dido song...


_Author's memo: This plot has been pushing it's way to the front of my mind every time I hear Dido's song 'See the Sun'. I don't normally do songfics because I'm not a huge fan of them, but I absolutely love the song and I was driving myself crazy thinking about this every time I heard it. I felt that it was a perfect fit for Cordelia's 'swan song', if you will. As much as I want Cordy back and loving Angel, I know that it may not ever happen. So, this one-shot is my version of the closure that I so badly want. So, please enjoy and review. I want to know what everyone thinks! This is dedicated first and foremost to Charisma Carpenter… the show hasn't been the same without her, and since it's being cancelled, others obviously agree with me! :) And second, this is also semi-dedicated to the entire cast of Angel… thanks for giving us fans five great seasons! Wish we could see more!_

* * *

When The Clouds Go Away

* * *

Angel walked slowly down the hallways of Wolfram & Hart. The halls were dark and gloomy, just like his mood. But then again, how could anyone expect any different from him. One day. Twenty-four hours. That's how long she had been gone… really gone, not just a still form lying in a bed. Wes had been the one to break the news to him. The poor ex-Watcher had held aside his own grief to console an inconsolable vampire. And now Wes was locked in his office and Angel was roaming around in a numb stupor, neither one of them knowing what to do. Gunn, Fred, Lorne… and even Spike… had respected Angel's space and not tried to force acceptance on him.

It would have been useless anyway. Angel knew she was gone. How could you not notice when a light had gone out? He'd spent the past few months hiding behind his shell of indifference – wanting to see her, but not doing so in order to desperately hold the memories at bay. It was now that he realized that he should have been there, holding her hand, telling her he loved her. She'd died alone in a white, lifeless, sterile hospital room with only an impersonal nurse standing watch. He should have been there. Hindsight was a killer... it found your softest, weakest spots and sliced them up brutally and efficiently until all that was left was a bloody, unrecognizable mess.

Angel walked into his apartment after carefully avoiding everyone and immediately went back to his bedroom. His hand reached up and he forcefully pulled down the shades over the window. The dark night sky and the view of Los Angeles held no appeal to him. Not tonight. He sat none-to-gently on the bed. When his eye caught the group picture sitting on his nightstand, he paused. She was there… alive and smiling, short blond-streaked hair and all. When a lump formed in his throat he forced his eyes away and lay down on the bed, his eyes going to the ceiling and searching for some sort of relief. It came when he closed his eyes…

When he opened his eyes again, he wasn't in his bed. He was… well, he didn't know where he was.

"Angel…" a voice breathed. It was a voice that he was sure he would never hear again. He turned towards the sound and there she was, just as he envisioned her. She looked like she had when they had first met up in LA. Her rich mahogany hair was long and flowed down her back, her skin a beautiful tan, and her eyes bright. There was no dream cliché here as she walked toward him dressed in low-slung jeans and a form fitting tank top that stopped just below her navel. It was typical Cordy-casual.

"Cordy," he said softly before he looked around the muted gray nothingness in which they stood. "Where are we?" Cordelia smiled.

"We are where the Powers let us be," she said. Angel frowned slightly as he looked around again.

"Well, gee, for the Powers, I expected a little more pomp and circumstance," he said. Cordelia laughed at her manpire's usual dry, humorous sarcasm.

"You know the Powers don't really care for emotion. They believe it a waste of time. We're even lucky to be standing her now," she said. Angel's un-beating heart constricted when he realized what, exactly, was happening.

"This is it, isn't it?" he asked, his eyes holding hers knowing that the other shoe had finally dropped. It took Cordelia a second before she nodded, the laughter of before turning into a wistful smile.

"We don't have long, but they let me come back for a reason," she said, stepping closer to him. Her hand came up and caressed his cheek, surprising him with the corporeal contact.

"What reason is that?" he asked, placing his hand over hers, relishing the feel of her soft, warm skin.

"To say goodbye," she said simply. Angel nodded as he looked to the ground and stepped back from her touch, unwilling to let himself want more when he knew he wasn't going to get it.

"We can find a way, Cordy," he said. Cordelia smiled at his comment.

"Angel, I don't want to be Buffy," she said, causing him to look up at her sharply. "I don't want to be brought back, reincarnated, or even be a friend to phantom Dennis. I'm dead. I don't want to die again."

"Why won't you at least let us try?" he asked, frustration and a little bit of anger lacing his question. Cordelia shook her head at his obstinate behavior. He couldn't resist being a little selfish in trying to fix things.

"After all this time, you're still my Angel," she said softly, a smile transforming the sad words to something loving. Angel reached out and took her hand.

"Cordelia," he rasped out. "I can't do this without you." Her hand squeezed his hand.

"Yes, Angel. You can. You have to," she said earnestly.

"Why did this happen, Cordelia? You should be here, with us! This is where you belong. With people who love you … living," he pleaded, knowing that it still wouldn't help.

"It's where I want to be too, Angel. But that's not how things worked out. I am here now, and you… you are where you are supposed to be. You've lost your way a little bit, though," she said as she looked away from him.

"Cordelia, _you_ were my way," he said. "You kept me fighting." Her brown eyes met his troubled ones.

**_I'm coming round to open the blinds  
_****_You can't hide here any longer  
_****_My God you need to dry those puffy eyes  
_****_You can't last here any longer  
_****_And yes they'll ask you where you've been  
_****_And you'll have to tell them again and again_**

"I may have been part of the reason, but tell me what the rest of it was, Angel," she said seriously. Angel just looked at her.

"Your _shanshu_…" she prompted. "Angel, your shanshu is the bigger picture here. Your atonement… It's what I was fighting for, it's what our family is _still_ fighting for. You can't just abandon that."

"I haven't," he said lamely. Cordelia shook her head and spread an arm to indicate their location, which was now the equally gray and lifeless halls of Wolfram & Hart.

"Look at where you are, Angel. This isn't where you are needed. This isn't what _you_ need," she prodded.

"You're what I need. You promised, Cordelia. You said you'd be with me until I shanshued," he said softly, looking at his hands. She walked up to him and gently took them in hers.

"Angel, I will always be with you. After all these years, you had to have figured it out that the only way I'll ever leave you is to be ripped away against my will. Even now, I will be there… in your dreams, in your memories… in my family's heart."

"You are our heart," he said desperately, wanting to pull her into his arms and bring her back with him to the waking world. Cordelia smiled.

"Yes, I am," she answered. Angel shook his head, not wanting to understand what she was saying. It just wasn't good enough.

**_And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day  
_****_Well, I promise you you'll see the sun again  
_****_And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness  
_****_And I promise you you'll see the sun again  
_**_  
_ "There's a life for you to live out there, Angel. Your sacrifices haven't all been in vain. There's hope, there's love, and there's a future. A future you can't just walk away from. You'll live, Angel, really _live_. It's what I've always wanted for you, please don't forget that," she pleaded with him. Angel opened his mouth to say something but Cordelia stopped him.

"Don't get even more angsty on me, Broody. I love you, you know that. And I know you love me. We never had a chance, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that all of this is causing you and everyone else pain. But we'll see each other again," she said. Angel shook his head.

"I'm a monster, Cordelia. I don't see how we could possibly end up in the same place," he said sadly. Cordelia took his hand and pulled him close, wrapping her other arm around his waist.

"Angel, listen to me. You will reach your shanshu. And not to spout maxim or anything, but as was written, so shall it be, ya know? Prophecy from on high and all that… And when that happens, your demon will cease to live. It will go where it deserves… but you… _you_ will live as a human and be judged as one as well. That's why all of this is important. It's why you need to fight for your shanshu," she said, looking up into his face. His arms tightened around her as he let her words wash over him. They gave him hope. _She_ gave him hope, even if she wasn't going to be there.

"I love you, Cordelia," he said, looking down at her. Her arms wound around his neck as she smiled her brilliant, megawatt smile. The words she'd wanted to hear for the longest time had finally spilled past his lips.

"I love you too," she said as she pulled his head down and met his lips with her own. She leaned into him, deepening the contact and the kiss, knowing that this was going to have to last her until they finally met again. His arms tightened around her and pulled her up closer to him, her feet just skimming the ground as he held onto her as if his life depended on it. She hung on to him as well, tears of love, happiness, grief, and regret all mingling on her damp cheek. Tears fell from his own eyes as their mouths clung to each other, not wanting the moment to end. His hands ran over her warm shoulders and down her arms, reassuring himself that she was there, in his arms. But Cordelia knew that all good things usually came to an end… and this was no exception. She pulled back slightly, letting her lips linger on his for a moment longer. When she pulled back completely, she was on her feet and she let her forehead rest against his.

"Don't leave," he said, his voice almost watery as his arm tightened around her waist. Her hands unclasped from the back of his neck, caressed his cheeks, and then wandered down to his chest.

"I have to," she said miserably. Cordelia never wanted this. She never wanted find the love of her life and not be able to bask in it, enjoy it and love him back. If she could, she'd get down on her knees and beg the higher ups for one more lifetime, for one more moment… for one more passionate kiss. But Cordelia knew better.

"I'm sorry, Angel. I really didn't want it to be this way," she said as she finally stepped away from him. He reached for her to pull her back.

"No, Cordy," he said almost desperately. Cordelia shook her head.

"Remember what I said, okay? Our family needs you… you need to fight. For their sake, and yours. I love you…" she said, and before he knew it, Angel was alone. He raised his eyes to the sky, hating whatever was really up there with his entire being. With a pitiful growl of anger, he lowered his head into his hands, the tears falling freely.

* * *

Fred walked cautiously into Angel's apartment. She's seen him come in here earlier and wanted to check on him. Things had gone from bad to completely horrible when Wes had broken it to everyone that Cordy was gone. Wes was still locked in his office, refusing to talk to anyone. Fred understood his reluctance. He'd been one of the people, along with Angel, to know Cordelia the longest. He'd been closer to her than everyone else. Gunn was using sarcasm and violence as his outlet. Lorne had refused to see anyone… he said that seeing everyone's aura was beginning to suck him into a black hole of depression even deeper than his own. Spike was even unusually melancholy. And Fred, well… she wasn't sure how she was handling everything. She'd had a dream last night. Cordy had come to tell her goodbye. It had been bittersweet, but meaningful. Fred knew that everyone, herself included, felt extremely guilty about not being able to tell Cordy from the evil being that had come back as her. Fred also knew that it was that guilt and the anger that it had happened that was slowly tearing her family apart and making them forget what the mission was really about. But Cordelia had told her not to worry and that things were going to be better. And Fred being Fred had taken Cordelia's words as gospel. She was ready to be the strong one, she was ready to help her friends. And that's what she was doing walking into Angel's room. Her soft knock prompted a slight, animal-like whimper to come from the bed.

"Angel?" she called hesitantly. The closer she got to the bed, the more she could see how troubled the sleeping Angel looked. His normally gelled-to-perfection hair was a mess, his clothes were rumpled and wrinkled, his covers were in disarray and his face looked tortured. Careful not to startle the sharp teeth with a body attached, she leaned over and gently touched his shoulder. After a couple more tries, his hand snapped up and snagged her wrist in an iron-like, yet soft grip. He shot straight up in bed, eyes wide. Fred could see where the tear trails had fallen, the sparse light in the room bouncing off the wetness.

"Cordelia..." he choked through an impossibly dry throat. His eyes focused on Fred's face, disappointment evident as he dropped her hand and retreated farther from her.

"Angel, it's Fred," she said. He looked at over at her.

"I know who you are, Fred," he said, his misery at losing the only place where he could hold Cordelia evident. Fred folded hands into her lap and observed the morose vampire.

"Angel, Cordy wouldn't want you to do this to yourself," she said softly, not flinching when Angel's sharp gaze snapped to her.

"You think that I don't know what Cordy wants?" he asked as he stood up from the bed and started pacing belligerently.

"She's gone, Angel. I think we've been preparing ourselves for this more and more every day that passed and she didn't wake up," Fred stated as she stood up as well. Angel ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that told Fred just how upset he was.

"How can anyone prepare for this? How can someone prepare for the person who was their life to not be there anymore?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly. Angel shook his head. Fred just didn't understand. She didn't remember Connor, she didn't feel his loss in combination with the loss of Cordy. But then, he would never wish that pain on her. Losing Cordelia was hard enough.

"Fred, I think I'd rather not talk about this right now," he said with a worn sigh. Fred nodded, her chin coming up.

"Then we won't talk about it now. Later. Now, we'll go get your mind on something else. Wes had said something earlier today about the new text he had found. Let's go make ourselves busy by doing some good old-fashioned detective work," she said, mustering up a Cordelia-like attitude.

"I don't think I'm up for it, Fred. I'll just stick around here," he said, scraping up a small smile to offer the girl. She shook her head as she went to his closet and pulled out a shirt. After nodding in approval at it, she threw it at him.

"Not an option, my friend. You need to get out and use some of your brain cells. It'll be good for you," she said. _You're cut off from life… but don't worry, I'm going to help with that._ Angel closed his eyes at the memory. He looked down at the material in his hands. It was one of his dark red shirts. One of Cordy's favorites – when he _wasn't_ in homicidal Angelus mode. He looked back up to see Fred watching him. Angel gave her a slight nod in acknowledgement. Confident that Angel was taking her advice, she left the room to wait for him to change. And after a minute or so, he emerged, still a little uneasy.

"Let's go, Angel," she said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. Angel nodded and squeezed back before letting her hand go and walking to the door.

**_Come on take my hand  
_****_We're going for a walk, I know you can  
_****_You can wear anything as long as it's not black  
_****_Please don't mourn forever  
_****_She's not coming back_**

Fred followed Angel out of his apartment, feeling happy that she'd convinced him to do something. They were both completely silent as they made their way to where their offices were. Fred's heart lifted when she saw that Wesley's door was open. The two of them stood at the door to see Gunn and Wes sitting in the two chairs in front of Wes' desk. Overjoyed that her two friends were talking, Fred cautiously entered the room and went to place a hand on both of their shoulders. The two men looked up with small smiles. Angel watched the three of them lean on each other from the comfort of the doorway.

"Their auras are healing," a voice said from behind him. Angel didn't need to turn to know that it was Lorne. "Cordelia has touched all of you… I can see traces of her in all of your auras. She's slowly filling the holes… patching everyone up. Just like she did when she was here." Angel crossed his arms and frowned.

"But she's not here, is she?" he asked. Lorne smiled as he stepped up to the dark vampire.

"Well, I guess I don't need to tell you that the hole she left in your aura is significantly bigger than any of theirs. But that doesn't mean she was any less important to them. She's in there, big guy. She's working her Almighty Princess Mojo to make sure everyone gets through this. Let her take care of you, Angelcakes. Let her heal you," Lorne pleaded. "She can, you know. If you let her." With one last look, the green demon entered the room as well and went to park himself, despite Wesley's usual righteous glare, right on the man's desk. His family sat in there, talking and laughing quietly. The bittersweet camaraderie was beckoning for him to join them.

**_And yes they'll ask you where you've been  
_****_And you'll have to tell them again and again  
_****_An you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day  
_****_Well I promise you you'll see the sun again  
_****_And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness  
_****_And I promise you you'll see the sun again  
_****_Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all  
_****_You said one day this was worth dying for  
_****_So be thankful you knew her at all  
_****_But it's no more_**

_You're still my Angel…_ There was a twitch of discernable movement at the corners of his mouth as her words rang through his head. Angel's brown eyes combed the room, seeing every single memory it held within the people occupying it.

"No, Cordy… you're mine," he said softly.

_You need to do that more often._

_What,__ buy you food?_

_No… smile…_

* * *

_Author's note: So, that's it. My closure is complete. I feel a whole lot better now. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. If you do like it, that's great! And for those of you who haven't heard Dido's "See the Sun", you should listen to it in order to capture the mood of the song. It really is bittersweet and it makes me tear up a little. Let me know what you think!!_


End file.
